Turning a leaf

I may be standing at the precipice of a new chapter in my life.  Tomorrow is my first day of the BAWP institute--which could lead to other consulting jobs and/or just a reinvigoration of my teaching passions and growth.  In preparing for the first day of our institute as well as my job interview (!) on Wednesday, I have felt a surge of excitement over a) getting better at what I do, b) cultivating my career with a newfound sense of intentionality and purpose--yes I'll do that, no I won't do that" and c) having my own *space*--away from the laundry, away from toys on the floor, and as much as I loove them!--away from my sugars and my honey!!

I am looking forward to being out in the fresh air, feeling my mind working, thinking of ideas and connections, solving problems, and writing it down.  I'm looking forward to meeting people, giving feedback, sharing my journey and hearing about others'.  I'm looking forward to what the new season might bring.  And I know I've got what it takes to face the challenges that are sure to come--and THRIVE.

My Life According to

Just finished a fun breakfast with an artist friend and we discussed something I thought I'd share here.  You get to pick which story you'd like to tell--about yourself, your life, your path.  In this age of instagram, Facebook, and all things self-published, we get to choose our narratives. We pick which details to share and not share (hopefully!), and I'm sure, we also lay out the best details of our lives: pictures of celebrations, accomplishments and laugh-worthy moments.  When I've made a quick login to facebook, indubitably there's the "Look at this, I've got such a sweet hubby!" photo of flowers and chocolate, the "amaaazing view I have on vacation/in my new apartment/from my new office"and of course, the gorgeous plate of food we had a dinner that you just have to see!

Nothing wrong with those.  I just find it interesting that we all have an insta-platform to share and present our best selves, our best life.  And when I think about it, if I were to tell the story of {my life right now} in the most laudable terms possible, here's how it would go:

I'm really enjoying the season I'm in right now.  I'm able to be at home with my girls while they're little.  I've chosen to pull back from a full time career in order to really enjoy and soak up these special moments.  I've been able to witness every one of Little Sugar's milestones: first steps, first time saying "sister", first time crawling up onto our Cal King bed solo.  I witnessed the way her eyes lit up as she discovered the power in her tiny index finger when getting the lights to turn on or sounding the elevator alarm.  And I've watched Big Sugar mature.  Yesterday she helped me fold an entire load of laundry--she's superb at folding the pants!  I have a blast making a daily visual map of our day together each morning.  Yesterday's included the following pictures, in this order: 1) a banana, 2) a bag of clean laundry, 3) a t-shirt, 4) a bookshelf, 5) swings, 6) a house, 7) paint brush and crayons, 8) ... we ate, folded clothes, got dressed, went shopping, to the park/marina, came home, ate, cleaned some more, played some more and rested.

I love having this flexibility in my schedule.  I'm discovering new gems I'd never seen--museums, parks, libraries.  Each day we wake up is a new adventure.  Meanwhile I've got one foot in the professional game as I'm preparing for the BAWP institute this summer.  That could lead to nice opportunities all over the region and maybe even world.  My colleagues are doing neat things and I know my path is only uphill from here.

And I say all that to show how life is what you make it.  I could go on an equally long rant with a negative slant about the same life--pointing out the inconveniences, the questions, the difference between this life and the one I once lived.  But why?  Why not be happy?  Why not share my life from a sugar-drizzled pov?  Because at the end of the day, my life *is* sweet...if only I would be open to tasting it.

My "Strong-Willed" Daughter

So my daughter has a strong will.  I'm talking about Big Sugar here.  She's smart, she's sassy and in her own mind, she's fully capable of making her own decisions.

"Hey Sugar, get down from that slide!"
[shakes head no, keeps climbing]

"Sugar!  Let's watch Fresh Beat!  We'll have fun dancing!"
"No.  I want to watch the DoodleBops.  DoodleBops are SOfun!" [grabs and inserts the DVD]

And then there are the more covert operations...
"No, Sugar, you can't have that licorice right now.  You have to eat your dinner!"
"OK." [puts candy back]
3 hours pass, dinner is over.
As I clean the kitchen, I discover,  in the trash, the licorice wrapper.  Licorice, of course, is nowhere to be found.

So it's cases like that last one that have me wringing my fingers.  It's the disobedience, and furthermore, as we experienced today*, the lying, that have got me wondering.

*Spent time at preschool in a mini-conference with teacher following Big Sugar's admission that she told Mommy something different than what happened: "I was tricking her."

Some folks will tell us that it's perfectly normal for kids to tell "fibs," to bend the truth to what they want it to be, often in an effort to avoid getting in trouble.  And yes, as with most difficult behavior, this can be construed or maybe even more aptly, conformed, into some sort of strength.  In this case, that strength would be creativity.  While we of course will teach her why it's not okay to lie, turned another way, we could argue that the best leaders are able to see what isn't seen, to make things appear, to in fact change their realities to be what they want them to be.  And that's the beauty buried within this behavior.

But at the same time, it can certainly become a problem--especially for little girls who look like mine.

What if a teacher, a coach, an adult somewhere down the line doesn't look at my brown baby girl and see her strength, doesn't "have time" to redirect her creative energy towards a positive outcome?  What if they see her do something different than what was asked of her, and instead of creativity they see only "defiance," "disobedience," and "disrespect"--any one of which will get you sent straight to detention?  What if instead of "you are strong, but you have to be aware of other people's feelings," they use words like "mean," "bully," and "troublemaker" to label her?

Maybe it's my years of working in continuation education that have me thinking along this path, or what I see daily in our communities.  I watch as kids whose innocence was so prominent just a couple years back now have their faces plastered on the 6 o'clock news as Suspects.  I see those not-too-long-ago babyfaces screen-printed onto their friends' RIP shirts--the urban tribute to another life lost.

And it hurts to realize that the paths may start like this--a yearning to explore, to be creative.  A desire to avoid disappointing someone, an unannounced need to be celebrated and guided.  It hurts to know that, without the proper supports, the path may not turn out too well, the light cast upon them quickly, subtly, changing from a glimmer of hope and joy to a glare of scrutiny and shame.